Indigo

“Lock down doesn’t mean
inner isolation. This is one of
the biggest opportunities for
us as a human-beings to be
present, truly genuine and
sincere to people around us…”
Cecile Spirit, Singapore

It’s official that Malaysia and much of the world to include my hometown in the US are on lock down. Such is is considered a storm, and maybe a perfect storm, since it is global. Now, this isn’t the first time that I’ve been confined to Malaysia. I experienced a perfect storm in the US that blew me into Asia in 2016. And, the dark clouds that accompany any major storm hovered over me until recently. Back in October 2019, my US passport was confiscated by the American Embassy until I cleared up a sticky tax situation with my government. It didn’t feel good then and it definitely doesn’t feel good now. However, I know that every storm will pass and that there is actually a silver lining in every dark cloud. You may have to look closely, but its there; just as the rainbow that appears after the storm. However, what I realize is that some people will react to this Corona Virus storm in a totally different way depending on their resilience and mind space. In attempting to be resistant to the virus doesn’t mean that you are resilient in life’s situations, especially when it comes to isolation.

People are being asked to stay home and basically not congregate. This is asking a lot of most people because we are hard wired to socialize. Some will be fine as they cling on to their smartphone and post everything from their grocery cart items to their baby taking her first step since they are home to witness it and not at work, while some will have difficulties not having the physical connection, i.e. isolation and/or being confined. Oxford University Press stated that research outcomes show that people’s resilience highly depends on their social embeddedness, their capacity to uphold a social network, or their being part of a so-called social ecology. How will government orders to stay home impact you both now and in the future? Not to sound like an alarmist, but some people will experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Allow me to digress, children may internalize these next few weeks far more dire than someone who can discern facts from fiction shared in the media and online. Children’s minds are not developed to process the words and situations like adults. What they hear and interpret is far different because they have a limited scope or view and cannot use past experiences to cope. Research has shown that the elderly suffer greatly from isolation. It’s bad enough that people wait for the weekend or holidays to visit them, but now they may be alone for longer periods of time. Interestingly, the two groups who are susceptible to Corona Virus are also highly likely to be adversely affected by the very steps needed to stop the virus. So, direct your attention and care to the elderly and children. Now, what about the rest of us who are in the middle? You need to make sure that your wellbeing is a priority. Here are three things to manage your mind space:

1. Sip on the News

News is like water for our brain. Not enough can be problematic but too much can be dangerous like drinking from a fire hydrant. Trust me… if for a day, you turn off your news and delete all the videos and messages that bombard you, I promise the next day it will take all of 15 minutes to catch up on everything that you thought that you missed. The simple truth is that negative news is addictive. And, like crack, alcohol or an abusive mate… nothing good can come out of being over-saturated with that negativity. Case in point, just as people are contracting the virus… people are becoming well, too. People spend more time with the doom and gloom even though there are talented doctors and scientists working around the clock on this “epidemic”, but we aren’t hearing about them at the same rate. We aren’t even hearing about the thousands of people who have travelled without incident and passed the temperature test. Nope… positivity doesn’t sale. I stop watching the news years ago, and I’m in the same boat as everyone else and maybe more informed because I don’t focus on the negative. Someone once asked me how I will know if something
happens. I told her that someone will probably knock on my door or text me: I’ll get the information. I don’t have to spend my day taking in stuff that will not create peace, joy and balance. If it isn’t NEW, delete it; rereading the ‘same news’ doesn’t make it more real or you more informed.

2. Connect Deeply

It can be easy to simply read a few postings and throw in your two cents every now and then, but as a friend at NBC said, “I read your stuff. But people are passive consumers. We don’t say anything. We just consume.” Now will be the time to become an active participant in your life and in the lives of those who you have allowed in your life. Be bold and call people to share with them how you appreciate, love or value them. Whatever you do, don’t sit in front of the T.V. or computer and not be fully engaged in life. Even if you think that you don’t need to be deep, there may be someone who needs you to become deeper. Yes… getting online isn’t new, but how deep do we really go and even take people? I’m really pushing for you to go deep and connect intimately with yourself, as well. This is a perfect time to journal to spend quality time with yourself.

3. Practice Self-Care: This is an Emergency
When people have huge chunks of time because they are forced to be home, they get into those files in their head and start thinking about stuff that has gone wrong, people who have caused harm, etc. This is just one of many forms of negative selftalk. When you start having negative thoughts, shift your thinking to things that bring you joy. I recommend that you write down five Go-To-Thoughts that make you feel good, so that when you start thinking about how bad things are or how you wished things were different, you can refocus on your GTT. Don’t use this time to pick yourself apart, but rather use this time to build yourself up. Some folks spend more time on skin care than self-care. Skin care is one form of self-care, but you are far more than the skin you are in. Incorporate the airlines suggestion on an emergency situation: care for yourself and then assists others.

Are You In the Driver Seat of Your Mental Wellness?

A millionaire hotel franchiser told me that there are two things that I need as a successful businesswoman: a good tax attorney and therapist. He said that one will protect my money while the other will protect my mind. Look…I am telling you from experience that you must take care of your health both physically and mentally. But, I believe the latter is far more important. I am going to tell you something that your company should actually support and that is to take a mental health day. Some people take sick days, but let’s get ahead of this and take a day to get our head together.

Singapore is the unhappiest workplace in South East Asia! But, it’s the happiest place according to the UN; however, they probably didn’t include employees who were too busy to take the survey. Nearly every respected polling and data collection organization hands down agree that Singapore workers are unhappy. This is partly attributed to how much people work in Singapore. This should be disconcerting because happiness is a state of mind, i.e. mental well-being. October is World Mental Health Month.This is the perfect time to incorporate new practices that will have lasting impact on your state of mind.

As I market a wellness event, I hear explanations (I won’t say excuses) on why people can’t attend. Often it is two things: too busy or too expensive. Some even consider wellness activities a luxury. Wellness is not a luxury! You can’t afford to not take care of yourself. You really don’t have the luxury of breaking down as you attempt to build whatever you are trying to achieve. I challenge you to take one or two days to rest your mind. If you had the flu, you would rest because the symptoms are obvious. But, trust me. As a mental health practitioner, I can see the signs of distress in a lot of people, and I don’t need to read a survey to gather that people are overworked and mentally drained.

It’s natural to feel down sometimes, but if you have reoccurring symptoms of being on edge, nervous, tired, fatigued, irritable, sad, depressed, anxious, etc. you definitely need to become mindful of your mental well-being. Unfortunately, many people rely on Mother Nature shutting them down versus being proactive in taking care of themselves. We simply don’t have enough sense and maybe courage to give ourselves permission to STOP. Yes, simply stop and take a day or two off. The scope of mental wellness is so vast, and I only have 2-pages to share what is a growing concern. So, here are a few suggestions to kick-start your journey to wellness:

1. You must learn to be alone to eliminate feelings 1. of loneliness

What I am proposing is that you stay home and rest. This may mean staying in the bed until late afternoon just relaxing (during the work week, while everyone’s gone). If your job is in jeopardy from taking a day off and unplugging, you have bigger problems than disconnecting for a day. You should be able to take care of yourself before you become ill, and savvy managers understand that. A healthy employee is a productive employee. Just let whomever you are accountable to know that you need this time off. How many times have you called in sick for a physical ailment, but often neglected your mental well-being? Use your sick day to stay well instead of waiting to be sick. A mental wellness day means turning off your phone and maybe turning on music, meditating, or getting in some much needed sleep, etc. Doing whatever calms and brings balance. If the thought of turning your phone off or on vibrate and looking at it that afternoon causes you to cringe then you definitely need to do this. If your job, projects, business, etc. comes tumbling down with your absence then you have far greater issues. And, if you don’t have a day to spare then you actually need two days off.

2. Make Energy Deposits versus Withdraws

Make energy deposits as often as possible. Energy is like currency. You really need to save up your energy. Putting energy into your account is one of the greatest investments you can make into yourself. We make deposits by resting, sleeping and doing things that relax, refuel or re-energize us. Then there are withdrawals which take the form of working really, really hard, staying up late, doing things that depletes us of our energy like being around negative people who drain us like energy vampires. If you find yourself starting the work week as tired as last Friday, you need a mental wellness day where you can deposit positive energy. When I know that I’m going to be making withdrawals during the week, I deposit more into the account over the weekend to make sure I keep a positive balance and not become over drawn.

3. Practice Being Versus Doing

Don’t ‘Just Do It’ per Nike’s advice. If you take pride in measuring your success by how much you do and accomplish that may be a problem, long term. You will begin to unravel. I’m not saying that it is wrong to be a go getter and go doer, but at what point do you allow yourself to simply BE? Many people are stressed and unhappy because they are human doers versus human beings. Even the best athletes will work out, but they also know when to stop. Think of yourself as a body builder lifting weights. The rule of thumb is to work hard and then rest for the muscle building process. For some odd reason, we have bought into the concept that you work hard, work harder and then burn out. If you want to maintain a healthy mental disposition, you must give your mind a chance to rest. This can be achieved by doing nothing but rather being. But, if such is out of the question, volunteer somewhere that is physical and less mental such as preparing bags of lunches for the homeless, working on a going green initiative to clean the beaches somewhere, etc. Just be…

When Your Spirit is Calling You, How Will You Answer?

A ‘perfect storm’ doesn’t move through everyone’s life but we all experience storms and rain showers ranging from a divorce to a job transition. Occurrences in life often causes us to have doubt, insecurity, impostor syndrome, etc. but what if it is really our wake-up call to move on to something better. In my previous MindSpace Messages,”Are You Answering the Call?”, I discussed how I tucked away disasters that turned my life inside out and ‘got on with it’. But, moving on and seeing the message in the mess is not the same. Instead of stepping back to see why the winds are blowing us in a certain direction or pulling us to something, we often dig in and do what we already know or what brings comfort or perceivable success.

Answering the call is about asking yourself the tough questions, and the most consequential question is ‘What is my purpose?’, so that you can address the inner conflict or storm that is pulling you towards change. It is about getting to your next, and less about getting on with it: and, that is change!

In short, making your time count wherever you are is a key milestone of stepping into your greatness. If you find yourself struggling with what is your next you are probably getting the call to step into your greatness. Now, keep in mind none of this is either good or bad; it is how we choose to deal with this level of uncertainty that we experience when we sense that something needs to change. Here is a case scenario: I was planning to go hard in marketing my change management program. I could make good money on it, but I noticed that it felt as if someone sucked the air out of the room whenever I would even think about servicing a change management contract while I became giddy when I discussed mental wellness. Using my situation, there was a mind, body and spirit connection that I want you to think about for yourself:

Mind – When you visualize a certain area(s ) of your life do you experience negative or positive thoughts? For me, I felt energized when I thought about mental wellness, while the services I ordinarily offered caused frustration and stress. You may feel uncomfortable or excited because your mind is processing that you want change. Even if you are good at something or can earn money at it doesn’t mean that you should be doing it, and your mind knows it.

Body – What sort of sensations do you feel when you think about or find yourself in a situation? I became sad planning my marketing strategy for a service that I could easily do but didn’t want to do. You may feel butterflies, nervousness, headache or happiness – which is the body sending signals because it is attempting to deal with what you are thinking/doing in a physical way. In some cases, it can even be hives. The more I started working towards something I really didn’t want to do, I had physical reactions such as hives. Yikes… you gotta listen to your body. If you are energized when you do something that you love but it can’t pay the bills, figure out how to monetize it or incorporate more of it into your day.

Spirit (Higher-Self) – Is there a gut reaction when you think, speak or do something? That is your spirit speaking to you. It can be a gentle voice or a gut feeling. This can take the form of a heaviness that weighs you down or a lightness that makes you feel secure. Listen to what spirit is saying to you. You’ll know it because it is slightly different than self talk: it’s almost like a feeling.

Here are two tips to help you answer the call to minimize the struggle and step into your greatness:

Put Things Into Perspective

This will help alleviate stress when you see things as they are and not based on perception. Then take the next step to see things differently. “When we change the way we see things, the things we see will change,” Wayne Dyer.

Rest your mind by expanding your scope; allow your next step to come into view like a kaleidoscope. As you turn the lens, things will seem to fall into place and different ideas/perspectives will appear; thus, giving you options. Don’t be afraid to turn the lens and even shake things up for yourself.

The definition of crazy is to do the same thing and expect different results.  You must first start to see things differently to do things differently.

Accept That Change is Necessary

Sometimes, what is holding us back is our unwillingness to let things go. We even lament over the loss of something that we knew wasn’t good for us. Keep in mind that rejection is often protection. I knew it was time to take mental wellness by the reigns based on incidents that may have seemed coincidental but were signs; such as doors closing on some things and different doors opening on other things, feeling alive when I discussed mental wellness and sensing a heavy burden when I planned things that didn’t align with my purpose.

Stepping into your greatness means you are moving and moving means change. The ultimate change is who you have become and who you will be as a result of answering the call. Spend time getting to know the you that you have become. Become aware of the you that is in this special place at this very special time and allow awareness to drive your action. It is then that you will actually be in the driver’s seat versus being a back-seat driver to your life or the passenger to someone else’s life.

Two key points that I want to drive home are, you can’t get what you need until you are ready to let go of what you don’t want; and see yourself through a new lens to see who you have become and not who you were.

Happiness is not the magic
pill for maintaining mental
well-being because it takes a
combination of things such
as joy for mental wellness.

Throughout the world there is a mental health day and week set aside in October to bring about mental health awareness. Until recently, it was usually more about mental illness. When I first began offering services, I was adamant that I would ‘change the conversation from mental illness to mental wellness’. What I’ve noticed is that a lot of coaches and professionals, in general are claiming to be mental health practitioners. It is great that people want to wave the ‘mental wellbeing’ flag and help people but I think we may be missing the overall point. A lot of people are teaching about happiness, which is temporary and doesn’t really address mental health fully. And, my concern is that once October slips away mental health will slip our minds, too.
Happiness is not the magic pill maintaining mental well-being, although it can improve your mental state. What has become crystal clear is the difference between happiness and joy. People need joy for mental wellness. Happiness is
an emotion that comes from doing something whether it is laughing, being with someone, drinking, or whatever. It is produced by external stimuli and its short term. Joy is a state of being that includes peace, bliss and well-being that exists
whether you are happy or sad within a moment. In fact, you can have joy, but experience sadness. The reason I am writing about this is because people focus more on being happy versus experiencing joy. Joy is actually harder to experience than happiness because it means being grateful when crap happens, having peace with uncertainty, loving yourself and forgiving others and the list goes on. With all that some people go through they still have joy and you can too. Joy leads to mental well-being.

We spend too much time trying to be happy, which is temporary. And, when people experience a normal emotion
of unhappiness, they feel like something is wrong. All emotions are normal when put into context. But, we rarely
hear about the importance of joy. Everyone has mental health similar to physical health. Mental health is a
spectrum: there is mental illness to mental wellness and many points in between. I would like to see us focus on
mental wellness which means practicing a combination of things. To increase mental wellness, you must become joyful which is sustainable with a mind, body and spirit connection:

Feed Your Mind: Positivity a Source of Strength

Much of mental health stems from the mind, i.e. the brain and hard wiring. But it is also about our thoughts, what we feed our mind, and what we think about. If you find that you cannot rest your mind, try putting it on an information diet. Stop watching things whether on television or YouTube that cause you to not have positive thoughts and replace it with things that are edifying and cheerful. Your brain is like a computer. It can only put out what information was put in. You can’t expect reaffirming thoughts when you consume disparaging music, disturbing movies, troublesome books, etc. I highly recommend listing out a few gratitude statements or affirmations that you can say when you wake up and when you go to bed each night. It’s very powerful what the mind will do with those messages. Try for the next 28 days to surround yourself with positive things or positive thoughts to increase your mental well-being.

Rest Your Body: Sleep Your Way to Better Health

Everything runs out of energy and needs to be restored. That includes you and your mind. You must rest your physical body to reenergize your mind. I believe that whatever day and time you wake up, you need to be asleep on that same day. So, if you wake up at 6:45 am on Tuesday, you need to be in bed falling asleep by 11:59 pm on Tuesday. It is not okey to be up in the middle of the night for long extended periods of time whether for work, children or to catch up on reading. You will suffer from sleep deprivation which has been linked to diabetes and strokes both of which are high in Asia, to include weight gain and more, and not to mention all of which leads to emotional problems. Then there is exercising for mental wellness. Exercising makes you feel good because it releases chemicals like endorphins and serotonin that improve your mood. Regular exercise reduces your stress and feelings of depression and anxiety as implications for mental health disorders.

Trust Your Spirit: Listen to Your Gut Instincts

Spirit is far more than religion. You can have spirit without religion, but you cannot have religion without spirit. Spirit is the non-physical part of a person which is the seat of emotions and character; the soul. I strongly believe that mental well-being comes from listening to your spirit, i.e. your higher self, your emotions, your gut instinct. It’s being able to discern right from wrong when you don’t have all the facts, evidence or answers. To improve your mental well-being, practice trusting what you feel. A lot of dis- ease comes from not knowing or not being able to prove things when a decision must be made or simply feeling uneasy about something. This can cause stress. When you learn to trust your spirit, you can put your mind at ease by relying on your intuition.

Know that when we allow a mind, body and spirit connection to work for our highest and greatest good, we are able to create the extraordinary. We are able to have mental clarity, awareness and positive health on a daily basis. Now, that is not to say that it is a cure for mental illness. A mental disorder can exists based on a chemical imbalance, trauma and more, but what I am saying is that we can have joy despite a diagnosis by infusing these three aspects for improved mental health.

Are you happy?

Happiness isn’t elusive; however, in reality many peopledon’t experience joy unless something occurs as if they received a happy fix. This simply means you have to be stimulated, experience a spike in feeling great, and then level set until something else occurs. That makes joy reliant on external factors. What could be the problem is that the things that you are doing are not aligned with your higher self. For example, you say that you want that prime promotion but that requires acquiring new skills, but you keep turning down projects because you are busy doing the same thing day in and day out; there my friend is a disconnect. You say that you want to be in a relationship, but you refuse to step into today’s dating ring; there’s a disconnect. Often people experience a disconnect with joy when their desires don’t align with their action.

Take a step back for a moment – assess what you do and why you do it, you may discover that you are a hamster on a wheel in a Habitrail (cage). Sure, you are moving and from the outside looking in, you even look busy. However, you aren’t moving forward. And, more than likely you aren’t experiencing joy on a regular basis. I would like to help you step into your greatness. Read on to learn 3 very simple things that you can practice over the next 28 days to move closer to experiencing joy in your life:

1. You must learn to be alone to eliminate feelings 1. of loneliness

Do you find that you seek to be around people or you feel lonely? This takes the form of a social meet-up with people even when you’re tired, being in associations that don’t truly fulfil you, etc. According to Harvard Researcher in an article titled Good Genes Are Nice, But Joy Is Better, “Those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier,” said Waldinger, and the loners often died earlier.  Loneliness kills,” he said. “It’s as powerful as smoking or You must learn to be alone to eliminate feelings 1. of loneliness alcoholism.” There is a difference between lonely and being alone. People simply aren’t spending enough time being alone; thus, some people don’t know how to be alone and feel lonely when alone. I challenge you to take one night a week to go home and be with yourself. What you do with yourself is entirely up to you but give you some “me time”. Joy comes when you are happy hanging out with yourself. I’ll discuss the importance of this more deeply in another article.

2. Be active with things that are truly meaningful

I had on my business card over 20 years ago, “Learn to Listen to Your Inner Voice for It is God Whispering to Your Soul.” What is your inner voice calling you to do, and are you listening and answering the call? It doesn’t have to be something as life altering as quitting your job or moving to another continent, but it could be taking on a new role in your company, spending more time with your children and not using work or the ‘Help’ as an excuse, it may mean leaving a relationship that no longer feeds your soul, starting a hobby, or it may mean being still and listening to yourself.

3. Understand what brings you joy

If you are chasing the dream but have not truly identified what makes you tick, you may get what you are chasing and be ticked off. What you think may be a dream may become a nightmare. Spend time identifying the moments you felt your best and what types of people were around, what were the circumstance and what did ‘joy’ at that moment feel like. That’s important. Become clear about what you want, what it looks like and how it feels.
You need to understand what joy is and what joy is not. When you know what brings you joy you will be less inclined to accept and embrace that which doesn’t bring you joy.